I had to take it easy on myself because I am a perfectionist. If I could be honest, I don’t allow myself any room for error. It wasn’t until I had to face a harsh reality, being a perfectionist is a sign of insecurity.
Woah, insecurity!!! Yep an insecure part of me always want to be perfect. I had to look deep within myself and see what that really meant.
Most of the times we go through life doing things without knowing we are doing them. Sometimes those very things could be the main reason we don’t get the things we desire. Sometimes we tend to get in our own way because of those things.
Of course we all have insecurities that lies within us, it’s our job to acknowledge those insecurities. If we do not acknowledge them, then growth doesn’t occur.
I’m all about growth, but not about facing my insecurities. Like, who wants to admit when they are insecure about something. Who wants to say, my insecurity is being a perfectionist.
I had to come to terms with myself about why am I such a perfectionist. Why do I like things perfect. I will drive myself crazy if things are not how I want them to be. I find comfort in things turning out just like I planned for them to turn out. Please don’t let nothing interrupt my plans, that’s when the chaos happens. I immediately shut down and immediately feel like I have let myself down. To be honest as I look back, some stuff wasn’t that bad. But for me, it’s like the worst thing ever!
As I begin to meditate about things, I had to ask why am I like this. What has caused me to feel like this. Truth is, I am still figure that part out. I do know failure has something to do with it. As I figure it out, I find myself, letting go of things that normally I wouldn’t let go. Like, take for instance, order. I’m so big on order! That’s probably not a surprise because I’m a perfectionist. Well it’s a huge deal in my life because I suffer with this. I have been allowing myself to have things out of order in my life. I’m not taking about everything has to be in order like in the house( well sometimes 😬) I’m talking about everything has to be the way I see it to be.
My husband says to me all the time, you not always right. I tell him, ummm 98% of time I am right. Lol it’s very true and he can attest to that. It’s because I literally analyze every single thing in my life. In my mind, if things are out of order, they will fail. I know how it should be! I plan my entire day out before I get out the bed every morning! There isn’t a thing that will be out of order in my day. Basically I’m not deviating away from my plans. Do you see how this could be a problem? It’s a major problem and that’s why I’m working on it now.
This pandemic has allowed me to get away from being a perfectionist. It was driving me crazy at first but now I’m ok. 😊
The fear of failure is real for a perfectionist. But can I tell you this, sometimes failure is truly the best part about growth. How can I grow if I don’t fail. This is what has given me hope during my letting things be!!! It feels good to just BE!
Well it’s time for one of my healing stories and I hope it helps someone out. God gave me a clear vision 3 years ago. He specifically told me what to do. The vision was so crystal clear. I drew everything up to a tee. I even showed my family and friends. I talked about it and I said what I was gone do with it. I had it all planned out. The moment I got ready to show the world, I said it’s not right! Something is not sitting well with me. I begin to work on this thing every now and again. I hoped and prayed God didn’t give anyone else my vision. What I’m trying to get you to see is, I made it ABOUT ME! Notice in this paragraph, everything is about I. God gave me the vision but because I’m so caught up in being a perfectionist, I have yet to do what he told me to do. Remember I said, Most of the times we go through life doing things without knowing we are doing them. Sometimes those very things could be the main reason we don’t get the things we desire. Sometimes we tend to get in our own way because of those things.
Don’t allow your insecurities to stop you from getting what God has for you! Acknowledge what insecurities you have and allow God to help you heal them.
I will be putting out God’s vision soon!!! It’s so not about me this go round! I’m going to trust him and hope that he will still bless me, even when I didn’t be obedient with what he gave me! I have released the fear of failure! What happens will happen.
What are the insecurities holding you back that you know of! List them and check out one to work on this week coming!
Welcome to the healing school!